Taking the Long Way

So that happened.

For the first 24 hours that followed our layoffs from our respective jobs, my husband and I could only look at each other and shake our heads. Clearly, our lives were on a path we were not supposed to be on, and our course has been changed. Radically. I can’t find another way to look at this except to say that a power greater than my husband and me combined stepped in to push us in a different direction.

Tim and I have both been on winding, rocky paths before, both individually before we got married and in the last 10 years. We have always managed to find our way back to stability, and I know we’ll find our way back this time.

Our circuitous route does, however, nag at me, poke me in the side and say “hey, are you really going to pursue those dreams? or are you just going to let the currents in life take you whichever way they will?”

For as long as I can remember, I’ve swum with the tide, refusing to be sunk when the waves take me over, riding out the precarious times just to make it to the placid, the ultimate goal being the long, uneventful stretches of life. But what is that, really? That’s not pursuing life, that’s enduring it. I’ve become the champion of endurance, but that’s not what I want for the rest of my days. I don’t want to *simply* make it through the rest of my life.

I want some of the days–not all, mind you, because I’m not a completely naive idiot–to include achievement, transcendence, superlative moments and actual, verifiable excitement. I want to look with satisfaction with the days I’ve spent and know that I received tangible benefit in return. I want my time with my husband to include joy and romance and anticipation and energy in addition to the moments of peace and solitude.

So despite the fact that our short-term goal of visiting Colorado this coming weekend has been derailed due to obvious financial considerations, our long-term goal to move to Colorado when our Suburban Sentence is finished is still very much in view. That is where I see our lives moving, and I have a willing–and eager–partner by my side. Why would I stop now?

I’m just taking the long way.